Rabbi Aft’s Corner

Dear Friends,

Recently Sue and I saw the move about the author, Sholem Aleichem, which is playing at the Cinema Arts Theater in Fairfax. I urge you to go see it because it beautifully describes a Jewish world in which many of our ancestors lived before they came to the United States. The following is a very personal reflection about my response to the movie. I hope that as you read this, you will think about your own religious journeys and what has influenced the choices you have made. During the month of Elul, we are supposed to think about our lives and try to understand what has brought us to the places we are currently occupying in our lives. I hope you find this interesting and perhaps a helpful role model for your own searching.

When I was a small child my parents struggled with the most effective way to instill a positive Jewish identity in their youngest. There had been an interfaith marriage in our family in the early 1960′s which was when this issue was beginning to become more widely discussed and when interfaith marriages were starting to become more prevalent. As the youngest child in our home, I heard my parents wrestling with this issue and in some way I could have never identified at the time, I was feeling their pain.

I have shared with you before that my dad had to work on Friday nights and that when I was a small child, we would read a selection from the Golden Bible after dinner before he would take a nap on Friday night and before I would go to sleep. I have very affectionate memories of these evenings together with my dad. I also remember equally affectionately, my mother lighting the Shabbat candles before we would have a very light Shabbat dinner since my dad was going to take a nap after dinner before he left for work at either 11:00 pm or midnight, depending upon the time of year. I would have never guessed that perhaps this was their way of trying to cope with their conflict of what they might have done differently in order to prevent the interfaith marriage in the family. Of course, I will never know for sure their intent in creating the Friday night rituals we had, but I do know they wrestled with encouraging me to be more closely connected to my Jewish identity, even when not feeling very close to our synagogue.

So, you might be asking…why am I sharing all of this? Sholem Aleichem wrestled with these kinds of issues in his stories about Tevye the Dairy Man which became the basis of Fiddler on the Roof. As he writes about these issues, he describes Tevye’s conflict with his daughter’s choices in marriage. We remember that he cannot compromise his tradition when Chava wishes to marry the Russian. His stories about this and Fiddler on the Roof are somewhat different in the way they treat this conflict and I will let you read the stories or see the movie in order to discover the differences. However, what was relevant to my own life, was the fact that somehow I believe my somewhat random choice to take a Jewish studies class at the University of Illinois and my choices not to pursue a career in law or become a baseball player, could have been motivated by a sub-conscious desire to ease my parents’ pain and to do my part to insure Jewish continuity in our family and for the Jewish people. As I think about a rabbinic career that spans over 30 years now, I wonder if perhaps what inspired me to become a rabbi was watching the generation of my parents grapple with creative ways to help people want to feel that Judaism is important, and their own angst that perhaps they may have failed.

I know I have rambled a bit here, but as each of us deals with our own lives during the month of Elul and prepares to make changes in the new year, I hope we will honestly look at what has brought us to the places we live now and what experiences may be motivating us to make changes to make our lives more fulfilling. I also hope that I have in some small way been helpful in providing ways to live more creative meaningful Jewish lives in our own family and for some of you, and that in the new year, we will continue to search for ways in which Judaism can add vitality to and be relevant in our lives. And…perhaps in doing this, posthumously, ease my parents pain….

B’shalom,

Rabbi Bruce Aft

Dear Friends,

Sue and I just returned from a few wonderful days visiting old friends in Denver, one of our congregation members who has settled in Boulder after college, and enjoying hiking in and around Rocky Mountain National Park. When we were much younger we had stayed at the YMCA of the Rockies with our two older children and it was a chance to celebrate our 35th wedding anniversary by returning to a place we had been 29 years ago. Many of you know how often I urge you to spend quality time with your significant other in order to reconnect. The opportunity to hike over 10 miles over these days gave us much needed time together in an exquisite setting and we are very grateful that we had this time. Some of us probably remember hearing that one can’t return to certain places and that it may never be the same. Although both of us have vague memories of Estes Park and the YMCA and some of the places looked familiar, it was a different time of life and being there now was truly a moment of kedushah, or holiness. The beauty of the Rocky Mountains is eternal and served as an important reminder that certain times and places evoke memories and inspire hope.

As we hiked, I couldn’t help but think about how similar these moments of holiness which we were experiencing were a reminder of the power of the upcoming High Holidays to provide meaningful time to reflect on where we are in our lives, what mountains we have climbed, which are still in front of us, and how we will deal with the challenges and opportunities which life will present us. This week we will begin the month of Elul which provides us a month of preparation for the High Holidays. When we worship together on Wednesday nights at our weekly minyan and in synagogues where there is a daily minyan, the shofar is sounded in order to awaken us to the fact that we are in the midst of a sacred time of year. I hope that each of us will find meaningful ways to help us get in touch with our own lives, think about where we have been, reevaluate where we are and dream about where we wish to be. I hope that as you embark upon your own search for the type of person you wish to become in 5772, that you will allow me to help you in your journey. Please feel free to call me on my study line (703-866-5531), join us for our Wednesday night minyan, or worship together with us on Shabbat.

One of the many experiences upon which many of us will be reflecting will be the tragic events of September 11, 2001. Although we were out of town, I understand from a number of people that when the earthquake hit our area, many were concerned that we were in the midst of another attack on our nation. Life may never be the same for some of us and I hope that you will make the time to join us on September 11, 2011 at 3:00 pm to commemorate the 10th anniversary of this life changing experience for the United States and the world. I have received a special invitation to help lead a memorial service for the families and friends of the victims of Flight 93 in Shanksville, PA on September 12 and will travel there after our commemoration at Adat Reyim. Although there will be a major public event on 9/11/11, a private interfaith service will be held the next day and I am honored to have been the rabbi chosen to try to help find some meaning or consolation in the heroism of those on board that flight. I am sure I will be describing this experience with you during the High Holidays. I hope that each of you will find some time to reflect during the month of Elul about how your life has changed because of 9/11/01 and will teach your children diligently about what this day meant and continues to mean to you.

B’Shalom

Rabbi Bruce Aft

Dear Friends,

In this week’s Torah portion, VeYakhel, we read a summary of some of the preparations which were made to create the sacred space of our Tabernacle which was used to transport the 10 Commandments.

What is the sacred space in our lives? Where do we go to be holy? These are important questions that each of us must address at some time in our lives. I recently talked to a student who suggested that she has certain places she goes when she is down which she calls her “happy place.” I wonder how many of us have a place that makes us happy. Many of you know that I love baseball and that my happy place is being on the mound, preparing to pitch. But most of you don’t know that the reason that this is sacred to me is not because I am a White Sox fan, and not because I love to play baseball(which I do). The reason that this is a sacred space and a happy place for me is that this is where my father and I bonded. He taught me to pitch, but more than that, he taught me about life when we would play catch with each other. We may have been arguing about other things but I can never remember a time when if he asked me to play catch with him or if I asked him to play catch with me, that either of us would refuse each other.

In fact, I knew he was dying when the last time we played catch, the game only lasted a couple of minutes. It was such a sad moment and yet, I so vividly remember him squatting down behind the plate and telling me to ” rear back, lengthen my stride, grip the ball with the seams,” and other little baseball tidbits. One of the most sacred moments I recall was when I stood on the mound at Doubleday Field in Cooperstown, New York near the Baseball Hall of Fame. I pitched, he caught, and my mother took movies(on an 8 Milimeter camera which I am sure none of you remember…)

It was not the Holy Tabernacle, it was not a synagogue, but it was and is a sacred space and happy place to which I return when I wish to remember my mom and dad and when I am seeking inspiration.

May each of us find holy spaces that make us happy.

B’Shalom and thanks for bearing with my trip down nostalgia lane.

Rabbi Bruce Aft

Dear Friends,

Recently, I spoke about ethical wills on the Shabbat when we read that Jacob was saying good-bye to his sons at the end of the Book of Genesis. I suggested that each of us should share our hopes, dreams, desires, with our loved ones periodically. I described how a family member of ours regularly writes her children to tell them what she is thinking at various times in her and their lives.

I have already received a number of notes from members of the congregation who have written ethical wills to loved ones. I want to share one with you that might help guide you in writing one. This is taken from a book called Ethical Wills, edited by Jack Riemer and Nathaniel Stampfer. This will is from Samuel Lipsitz and was inspirational to me.

Dear Children:

Somewhere among these papers is a will made out by a lawyer. Its purpose is to dispose of any material things which I may possess at the time of my departure from this world to the unknown adventure
beyond.

I hope its terms will cause no ill will among you. It seemed sensible when I made it. After all, it refers only to material things which we enjoy only temporarily.

I am more concerned with having you inherit something that is vastly more important.

There must be a purpose in the creation of man. Because I believe that (as I hope you will some day, for without it life becomes meaningless), I hope you will live right.

Live together in harmony! Carry no ill will toward each other. Bethink of the family. Help each other in case of need. Honor and care for your mother. Make her old age happy, as far as in your power. She deserves these things from you. It was your mother who always reproached me that I was not concerned enough about my children. She always insisted that we give them more. She would never visit a grandchild without a gift. I often felt she was too devoted a mother. Proof she was wise by being worthy of her devotion.

Carry your Jewish heritage with dignity. Though you may discard trivial ritual things, never discard your basic Jewish faith. You cannot live out your years happily without it.

Coming to the synagogue for kaddish will reacquaint you with the old prayers and you may find comfort in them as I did when your grandfather died in 1923. I was then thirty-two years old.

Being together daily in business has its disadvantages as far as a father wanting to be noble in the eyes of his children. The aggravations and the heavy pressure in our business cause friction and annoyance with one another. Maybe we said things at such times that in calm retrospect we are sorry for. I was as guilty of these
things as anyone. I hope such things will not stand out in your memory of me. I must have done some worthwhile things that left good impressions and nice thoughts with you. Please recall these, or anything you feel worth carrying on, on the occasion of my yahrzeit. I leave with happy thoughts, because as your mother and I often said, “God has been good to us. Our children are all good, and married good mates. Their lives
can go on without us just as well. They will meet none who can speak ill of their parents.”

I have enjoyed a loving and appreciative wife. She always praised and told me how capable I was. Then I had to live up to her expectations. Any worthwhile things I ever did was due to her urging and her faith
in me.

So don’t mourn for me. I have enjoyed my life. Carry on from here, using the many blessing which you have (and I didn’t have at your age) with wisdom and consecration to your family and mankind. You can serve your family best by serving mankind also.

Remember me affectionately as your father.
~ Shmuel ben Shalom

I particularly like the connections to family and how by serving humanity, one serves one’s family.

Please feel free to contact me if you would like guidance and support in writing an ethical will. Certainly, many of us consult with a lawyer to write a legal will; why not consult with a rabbi to write an ethical one?

B’shalom,
Rabbi Bruce D. Aft

Dear Friends,

It all happened so quickly. Within a few months, hundreds of thousands of Hungarian Jews were rounded up and killed near the conclusion of WWII. By their own admission, at the Budapest Holocaust Museum, this horrible action would not have been possible without the help and cooperation of many Hungarians. Having visited a number of Polish concentration camps over the years, it should not have been a surprise to me that people can do this to each other…and yet…once again it was a sobering reminder of the power that each of us has to make both a positive and a negative difference.

We just returned from visiting our daughter in Budapest and I had the opportunity to teach at one of three Jewish schools there. I taught approximately 40 ninth and tenth graders and we discussed the text from Rabbi HIllel where he says, “If I am not for myself, who will be for me; If I am only for myself, what am I? If not now, when?” We talked about how challenging issues often present us with dilemmas as to whether to look out for ourselves or others. I cannot tell you what I would have done if I were alive during the Nazi period, but I can tell you that each time I see how willing others were to help the Nazis kill the Jews, I am frightened.

Someone raised the question as to how one can help instill the type of values that would encourage us to want to help others, even at personal risk. I wish I knew the answer to that question….if any of you reading this, have any ideas, please write me at rabbibruce@gmail.com and mark the subject, “Helping Others.”

Each time I visit Eastern Europe, I am haunted by the thought that I could have been a collaborator and I am ashamed by these thoughts. I hope I would have taken risks to save others, but…

We also had the opportunity to visit a number of synagogues, many of which stand empty today. It is so difficult to hear about Jewish life that “used to be…” When I was younger, my dad told me that the saddest words he ever heard from old baseball players who were trying to hang on, were, “I used to be a good player…” Although apparently there are still 100,000 Jewish people in Hungary, most of whom live in Budapest, it is sad to see just remnants of what used to be a vibrant Jewish life. There was a kosher shop, a couple of kosher restaurants, and a number of smaller synagogues, but Judaism is clearly not what it was….When one sees Judaism on exhibit in a museum, it tears me up and pushes me to be more passionate about trying to make Judaism more meaningful for others.

Finally, what did I learn? I learned how important it is for us to treasure the opportunities we have to practice our faith in America today. I am also inspired to seek innovative and meaningful ways in which to express our Jewish identities. This is a world in which I believe Judaism has much to offer. I believe Judaism can help us create a value system that will enable us to make better choices when it comes to trying to save and enhance the lives of those who are at risk due to persecution, poverty, and other difficult conditions.

I look forward to continuing this discussion in a variety of settings. Please respond electronically or contact me on my study line at (703) 866-5531 so we can help each other….

B’Shalom,

Rabbi Bruce Aft

Dear Friends,

As we celebrated TuB’shvat yesterday, the New Year of the Trees, I wanted to share the following version of a very special story from our tradition.

I hope that each of us will support the good work of the Jewish National Fund and plant trees in Israel. We remember the recent fires in northern Israel which destroyed many trees and killed over 40 people. May we do what we can to plant for our children and remember whether in planting trees or in acts of kindness, the acts we do today may bear fruit tomorrow and make a difference in our world.

Honi and the Carob Tree

A Talmud Tale
Told by Peninnah Schram

Honi the Wise One was also known as Honi the Circle Maker. By drawing a circle and stepping inside of it, he would recite special prayers for rain, sometimes even argue with God during a drought, and the rains would come. He was, indeed, a miracle maker. As wise as he was, Honi sometimes saw something that puzzled him. Then he would ask questions so he could unravel the mystery.

One day, Honi the Circle Maker was walking on the road and saw a man planting a carob tree. Honi asked the man, “How long will it take for this tree to bear fruit?”

The man replied, “Seventy years.”

Honi then asked the man, “And do you think you will live another seventy years and eat the fruit of this tree?”

The man answered, “Perhaps not. However, when I was born into this world, I found many carob trees planted by my father and grandfather. Just as they planted trees for me, I am planting trees for my children and grandchildren so they will be able to eat the fruit of these trees.”

Commentary:

Tu B’Shevat is the New Year of the trees. This Jewish nature holiday occurs on the fifteenth day, the full moon, of the Hebrew month of Shevat, in late January or early February. At this time, in Israel, the almond tree is the first to begin to flower and the sap begins to rise within the trees.

While the counting of the age of trees was important in ancient times for taxation purposes, in modern Israel, this agricultural holiday has become similar to Arbor Day. Trees are planted in Israel on Tu B’Shevat or else money is sent to the Jewish National Fund to plant trees for us. On Tu B’Shevat, it is also customary to eat fifteen different Fruits, especially fruits and nuts grown in Israel, for example, pomegranates, grapes, figs, dates, almonds and carob.

In Judaism, trees are regarded as extremely precious and important. There are blessings over the first buds of spring and also when we eat the fruits for the first time in that season. There is a saying that if the Messiah is coming while you are planting a tree, finish planting first and then go and greet the Messiah.

This story is one of the classic tales from the Talmund (Ta’anit 23a). I heard it from my mother who often reminded me that her father had repeated this story to her many times. It focuses on the importance of taking care of the world for the next generation.

B’Shalom,
Rabbi Bruce Aft

Adat Reyim joins with the rest of the Jewish community in mourning the passing of noted Jewish Songwriter Debbie Friedman.

May her memory be for a blessing.

Dear Friends,

If I could send Christina Taylor Green this letter I would….I may or may not send it to her family, but wanted you to know my thoughts…

Dear Christina,

I had the pleasure to meet your grandfather when he was the manager of the Chicago Cubs many years ago. He was a very fine baseball man who accomplished many significant things as a baseball manager. It is not surprising to me that you were a young person who loved baseball and also wanted to become more aware of how to become an involved citizen.

I wish I had answers for the questions which your death raises. I am a rabbi who, unfortunately, has to grapple with many challenging questions about why bad things happen to good people. I have no explanation for your death but I hope we can all find meaning in the lessons that your short life has taught us.

First of all, you were born on a day, Sept. 11, 2001, when our world was torn apart by the horrors of terrorism. Your birth and the birth of all those who came into the world on that day, inspired so many of us to have hope at a time when hope seemed to be lost. On this Shabbat, (Sabbath), in the Jewish religion, we are celebrating the Sabbath of Song, which commemorates the miracle of the crossing of the Red Sea in Biblical days. Our tradition teaches that one of the reasons the miracle occurred was because an individual named Nachshon was willing to take a chance and step into the Red Sea. While others cried out, rushed into the Sea and drowned and some returned to slavery, Nachshon took the first step into the Sea with the hope that his act might lead to a miracle. His courage led to the freedom of the Israelite people who evolved into the Jewish people that we know today.

Your first step into the adult world to meet a Congress Person was a miracle, Christina. In a world torn by skepticism and cynicism, you taught us the miracle of believing that we can make a difference. Although you won’t be in this world to see it, the world will be a better place because people will learn from the tragedy that led to your death. They will learn that we must not say nasty things to each other in a way which causes anger and hatred. They will learn, as the President of the United States, Barack Obama, has said, we should use our words to heal and not to wound. They will learn that children still believe in the power of each of us to make a difference.

Oh Christina, a child of hope on Sept. 11…it is not fair that you should have to die in order for us to remember that basic human decency necessitates that we should be civil with each other. I wish that people would learn to use their words as sources of hope, rather than as weapons. I wish that people would be more sensitive to those who show signs of mental illness and reach out and help them. I wish that people would not use weapons which can kill, in order to hurt nine year old girls and others.

But…Christina, we live in a world that needs to be repaired. In the Jewish tradition we call this repair, tikkun. May your memory inspire each of us to find an area of our world to fix and devote ourselves to the best for which you hoped…that we can make a difference.

May your family be comforted during this tragic time and may your innocence and idealism find you a place as G-d’s right hand person, helping to inspire each of us to make our world a better place to live.

We miss you, but will never forget the hope you have given all of us.

B’ Shalom,

Rabbi Bruce Aft

Recently we began the reading of the Torah again as we celebrated Simchat Torah where we complete the cycle of reading for one year and begin again. I spoke about an interesting discussion about the first word in the book of Genesis. We usually translate the work, “b’reisheet” as “In the beginning” which implies that G-d created the world from nothing (or in Greek, ex-nihilo). In more modern translations the word is translated as “When G-d began to create” which implies that there was already something in this world and then G-d created from that which was already here. Based upon some grammatical interpretations, one can translate “V’yehi erev, v’yehi boker, as there was chaos and there was order, instead of there was evening and there was morning, one day. If we think about this, then perhaps what G-d did when creating the world, was create order out of chaos.

If G-d is meant to be our role model and each of us is created in the image of G-d, perhaps we should look for ways to create order out of the chaos in which we live. How many of us feel that our lives are chaotic and perhaps even out of control? We imitate G-d when we look for ways to try to get things back in order. As we think about all the various activities in which we are involved, I believe that each of us is sometimes overwhelmed by the frantic pace at which we live. We were recently talking to one of our children’s friends who said that most of us have retrained our brains to multi task in a different way than we have ever experienced and we may have become less efficient at getting things done.

Judaism has a variety of customs and ceremonies which help us to “center” ourselves. Shabbat certainly gives us an opportunity to reconnect with our family and friends if we make time to spend with them. Other customs and ceremonies which are celebrated at various Holidays also provide a chance to find order in the rituals we perform.

One of the many roles of the American rabbi is to be a guide to personal spirituality (GPS). Please contact me if I can help you think about ways to find order in your life and how Judaism can help you find meaningful ways to deal with the chaos that can threaten to overcome us. Please call me on my study line (703-866-5531) since I don’t do e-mail nearly as often as many of you do!!!

Finally, as we approach Thanksgiving, I hope that each of us will demonstrate our personal thanks for the blessings which have been bestowed upon us, by helping those who are less fortunate. There are many opportunities to help others, whether by bringing things to ECHO, helping out at a soup kitchen, or making donations to the many organizations that provide for the underprivileged at Thanksgiving.

B’shalom,
Rabbi Bruce Aft

Recently we began the reading of the Torah again as we celebrated Simchat Torah where we complete the cycle of reading for one year and begin again. I spoke about an interesting discussion about the first word in the book of Genesis. We usually translate the work, “b’reisheet” as “In the beginning” which implies that G-d created the world from nothing (or in Greek, ex-nihilo). In more modern translations the word is translated as “When G-d began to create” which implies that there was already something in this world and then G-d created from that which was already here. Based upon some grammatical interpretations, one can translate “V’yehi erev, v’yehi boker, as there was chaos and there was order, instead of there was evening and there was morning, one day. If we think about this, then perhaps what G-d did when creating the world, was create order out of chaos.

If G-d is meant to be our role model and each of us is created in the image of G-d, perhaps we should look for ways to create order out of the chaos in which we live. How many of us feel that our lives are chaotic and perhaps even out of control?

We imitate G-d when we look for ways to try to get things back in order. As we think about all the various activities in which we are involved, I believe that each of us is sometimes overwhelmed by the frantic pace at which we live. We were recently talking to one of our children’s friends who said that most of us have retrained our brains to multi task in a different way than we have ever experienced and we may have become less efficient at getting things done. Judaism has a variety of customs and ceremonies which help us to “center” ourselves. Shabbat certainly gives us an opportunity to reconnect with our family and friends if we make time to spend with them. Other customs and ceremonies which are celebrated at various Holidays also provide a chance to find order in the rituals we perform.

One of the other ways in which Judaism provides us a sense of order is through our worship services. Our religious practices committee is busy looking at ways in which we can make our services speak to the varied spiritual needs of members of our congregation and community. The Religious Practices Committee would love to hear from you. Please contact Andrea Cate and/or Bruce Kaplan to share your ideas or needs.

One of the many roles of the American rabbi is to be a guide to personal spirituality (GPS). Please contact me if I can help you think about ways to find order in your life and how Judaism can help you find meaningful ways to deal with the chaos that can threaten to overcome us. Please call me on my study line (703-866-5531) since I don’t do e-mail nearly as often as many of you do!!!

Finally, as we approach Thanksgiving, I hope that each of us will demonstrate our personal thanks for the blessings which have been bestowed upon us, by helping those who are less fortunate. There are many opportunities to help others, whether by bringing things to ECHO, helping out at a soup kitchen, or making donations to the many organizations that provide for the underprivileged at Thanksgiving.

B’shalom,
Rabbi Bruce Aft